talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
