i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
