you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There are leaves in my underwear?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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