Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
