you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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