I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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