he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
