If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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