shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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