I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
