How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
