Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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