booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
