there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
