Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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