I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize