I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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