New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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