it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
