dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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