how can u be prego again
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
