Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
