Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
