At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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