omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.