I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha