The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.