I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
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all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....