those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"