Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My butt remains clenched, sir.