just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
