They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
