let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
