I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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