you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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