Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dicks are not precious.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
