hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
