he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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