Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
