no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
