I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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