No awkward lesbian experiences without me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
