my phone needs a breathalizer
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
