It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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