Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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