So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
