Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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