saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
