Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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