I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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