I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
