I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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