Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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