i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
