This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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