I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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