Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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