okay pat passed out under dana's car
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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