herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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