I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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