508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
