Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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