I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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