You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
