in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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