you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
